I am feeling the change in the weather more so than ever before. Perhaps it is age, perhaps it is a heightened awareness. Either way, I feel a change in me occurring just as smoothly as the leaves falling from their branched homes. There are loves that come and go, work that picks up and falls off, and a time that constantly demands to be chased. I feel like I had it all, but over and over I learn I have nothing truly. At first, this scared me, but after conversations with myself, subtle comfort from friends, and poignant songs that color my endless days I have found a comfort in such little possessions. The only thing I ever needed was a relationship: to you, to him, to her, to the one I always wanted, to the one I always seek, to the whole world. Relationships are fragile, but large beautiful vases put up in a most sacred harbor. You can put the right things in and they hold up, strengthening the piece with mass and memories and love. However you can just as easily put the wrong sharp-edged thing in and it can scratch and crack at the beautiful vase. More often than not, I just throw the closest thing into that vase of mine and hope nothing happens to it. It is now that I see the damage I have done through the choices I have made. Perhaps it is I who needs to be more delicate, more precise with what and who is in my vase. Maybe it isn’t you. Maybe it isn’t us. That is OK, because I still love you as you are my world. I can let go of things, because I need not own them. I have people and love, I just need to find them.
My change in season is now, and I take of my jacket instead of bundle up. I want to feel something.